First of all, we made. Let the church say “Amen.” Happy New Year sis! I know some of us didn’t do as well as we had hoped, and no sweat, we learned the lessons and we’re ready for a fresh start. Some of us did what needed to be done and we deserve a pat on the back and bottomless mimosas! Either way, I like to believe we’re all a little bit more mature than what we were last year. So, as a collective, I’ve decided to speak for the girls that get it, and let the saints know what they need to leave in 2023, cuz quite frankly, we’re sick of the bullshxt.

Number 1: Going 50/50.

The way this debate had the internet in a chokehold is BEYOND me. I seriously have never seen so many people in an uproar about their tab at the Olive Garden. Here’s the short answer: WE DON’T WANNA DO IT. So hush, and pay the tab. Moving on. 

Number 2: Conversations about hygiene.

When it comes to hygiene, there are 3 types of people. One is the person who takes 6 showers a day, brushes after every meal, even at the restaurant, and keeps 8 pairs of panties in their purse and have a different wash cloth for each body part. These people are also known as “liars.” Then you’ve got the people who are utterly disgusting, and even though no-one asked, they feel inclined to let us know they only shower once a week, or haven’t washed their legs in 4 years. And then there are the best type of people, those of us who don’t give a damn, and are confused as to why y’all are hell bent on telling us this information. Enough is enough. Clean your cat, and carry on. 

Number 3: Pick Me’s.

If you don’t know what a “pick me” is, then you’re probably a “pick me.” And I’m so sorry I had to be the one to tell you. 

Number 4: Uninformed, unattractive, unsuccessful, undisciplined and unqualified men with microphones and podcasts with their homeboys, telling women how to be women.

The podcast era is the our latest joy and will probably be the end of human intelligence as we know it. I mean, who raised y’all? So many opinions, so little fact. Some of the boys are giving mommy issues and “I hate women.” Yikes.

Number 5: Guru’s.

The experts. The pick me’s of the business world. We can’t possibly afford another $10,000 course. Some of y’all are lousy mentors and we’re all terrified of a scam so let us rest, please.

That’s it. Happy New Year saints.