That’s a good woman Savanah!

If you don’t get that movie reference, we can’t be friends. I’m kidding, but not really.

Hilarious jokes aside, how many times have you been called a “good woman”? A strong woman, or super woman. Have you been honored to carry the badge of loyalty, or being able to do everything all by yourself?  Has your aggressive and assertive side taken over all the sides, and you’re constantly defending it? If any applies to you, I invite you to put that shxt down, and join the gworls in the soft girl era. 

Stepping into the Era!

The soft girl era is just what it sounds like. Thriving in femininity, softness, breaks when you need it, self care as a priority, mental health on an uprise, and making leisure and peace the standard. Not some treat you get after a year without a vacation. Something as simple as surrounding yourself with individuals who ask “How are you” or “do you need anything” is a key component of the soft girl era. Taking care of you, and spending time with others who understand that concept, and even encourage it.

If you google ‘soft girl era’ you’ll see some nonsense about young women dressing real childish in easter sunday colors. Googles definition didn’t sit well with me, so I strolled over to black twitter and found what I was looking for. The soft girl era is not about aesthetic. It is about a soft lifestyle. A lifestyle that minority women dont always have the privilege of participating in, because our ethnicity alone is synonymous with words like strong, resilient and independent. Those are supposed to be good things, right? If thats true, then why does it feel like a burden?

Why is the plight of every good woman to struggle, and hurt, and forgive people who take advantage of her kindness, self neglect, sleepless nights, long shifts, single parenting, endless sacrifice, meek and mild mannered and never complaining about it? Why do I have to endure so much to be good? I WAS CONDITIONED TO THINK THIS WAY! Most of us are. 

My 1 year old still doesn’t sleep through the night. He still gets up at 2 am crying, wanting something, just up and full of energy. On occasion, my husband will roll over and say “you’re such a good mom.” And he’s right. I’m a damn good mom! But one day, my little boy will put himself to sleep, and sleep until the morning. I WILL sleep again! And when I do, I hope I’ll still be a good mom. When I put my kids in childcare one day, and I’m no longer keeping them both by myself, I’ll still be a good mom.

I hope that as things get easier and more help comes along, my good mom status doesn’t deplete because I’m no longer running on empty. 

The Shift.

I’ll admit I used to think being superwoman was a compliment. Maybe it is, but I don’t want to do everything alone. I like naps. Superwoman needs a damn nap, and a babysitter. How about a day off and a therapist? Black women get criticized for being too strong, meanwhile they don’t have a soft place to land, or a person to be vulnerable with. 

Men compare us to their mothers and grandmothers and ultimately believe that’s the kind of woman they want. But they neglect to acknowledge that their mothers and grandmothers were overworked, over tired and unappreciated. But thats a conversation for another time.

Since we’re all incredibly multifaceted and capable of being whatever the hell we want, this will look different on each of us. Let me know what your soft girl era looks like and how it feels. Let us take the hashtag and turn it into the standard of our new life.